Monday, February 05, 2007

ISYGF: Interlude

I'm still plugging away at the Proust in between bouts of roller skating and loading music onto my new iPod Nano (which I love and am going to marry and have tiny little Proust-and-Replacements-obsessed babies with), but I felt the need to relate the following episode as a warning to anyone who might consider taking up a similar project:

Friday night, I was meeting some friends for a movie, and I decided to get there a little early to get soup at this great soup counter that I love so much that, well, I guess I'm not marrying it, but I do plan to have a longstanding affair with it behind my iPod's back. I hate eating alone, so I brought a book for company. The book. And as I plunked it down on the counter and settled onto a stool, I had one of those horrible out-of-body experiences where you can see exactly how you look to the outside world, and this is what I saw: A small woman with her hair back in a sensible ponytail, wearing those ultra-librarianish glasses and a T-shirt that reads "Good Grammar Costs Nothing,"* reading Proust. Yeah, I know: Even I felt like beating me up for my lunch money.

I still had time to kill after my soup, so I ran to the clothing store across the street, intent on finding and purchasing the sluttiest thing they had. And if the fashion industry didn't believe all women were seven feet tall, that red dress with the deep V-cut would have been mine.

At any rate, don't let this happen to you. If you find yourself alone at a soup counter, please, this is exactly what God made Vanity Fair for. And I'm not talking about the Thackeray.



*Special to Overheardgirl: This moment in no way diminishes my love for this T-shirt, which brings me joy every time I wear it. Thank you again!

5 Comments:

Anonymous Mr_Blog said...

What you're describing is a great idea for Archie McPhee--the Shut Up Proust Action Figure:

-Ultra-librarianish glasses
-"Good Grammar Costs Nothing" T-shirt
-iPod Nano
-1 volume of Proust (can be hidden inside issue of Vanity Fair)
-1 issue of Vanity Fair

Add-on accessory packs:
-Low-cut red dress
-Other volumes of Proust
-Roller skates
-Big, window-breaking dog

11:21 AM  
Blogger Nora said...

h.e.m.m.i.n.g., spelt like lemming, says Nancy Pearl, Librarian Action Figure.

11:38 AM  
Blogger shutupproust said...

Good god, it's come to this: I'm not just nerdy, I'm action-figure levels of nerdy.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Emptyman said...

Hey, at least you have a Nano. I lost mine in a bar a week ago and my hands haven't stopped shaking.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Gwyneth said...

Hi there - feel really guilty about this, but I followed your comment on my blog to yours, and I can't for the life of me figure out just who you are!! Who do I know who's an editor in Seattle....Hmmmm....

Anyway, just wanted to say I'm enjoying your blog. I've been carting around Herodotus' "The Histories" for the last 3 years to every backwards country I live in, so maybe this will inspire me to finally crack it open and start reading.

5:57 AM  

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